nicegrrly (nicegrrly) wrote,

what do I mean to you?

Honestly Im almost wondering where he thinks our relationship is headed. Im sick of allowing myself to excuse him when he can be sooooo inconsiderate, I always say ohhh its because this is his first real relationship. So I was thinking more about it last night while we laid in bed watching "tough Love"
they give all these pointers on finding your perfect man. Im not sure hes mine.... ideally... soooo far from it. i want that guy that cant stop thinking about me... that sees a future and wants to work towards that WITH ME. Im sick of taking all the brunt of everythingt. He didnt come home saturday night n his excuse was ohhh i got too edrunk so i had ot stay at my buddies.. so pretty sure next time we go over ther... i want to make a comment to validate that story. He lies to me sooo muchj about petty shit, what makes me believe the important stuff is any different?!?! OHHH and I check verizon...he wasw texting Jamie from like 10pm-3am the day he was he wasnt with her,. YET he was talking to her all night;.... yet couldnt even call me to tell me he wasnt coming ho9me. that sucks. a big one, and no guy that i would wnat to be the father of my kids would do that to me..... he turns it around and Im this horrible person for getting mad.... and get this...this is why he didnt text or call... he didnt wnat me mad- so waltzing iin the door at 8am would be so much better... whata fuck up. I really everything I think about all this i really question myself... i wanted so much more for myself, and now what. Im sooo unhappy and im ok with it, my life revolves around him, its sick.

OHHHH SOOOOO are we on teh same page>?!>? i have it in my mind that he is my other half. we do everythi8ng together... but does he feel the same way...or will be always be that 30 something guy who still never gets his shit together.... I really need to figure out how ot bring it up with hijm.... where i stand with him...could he imagine us havign kids and getting married. bc if kids arent his priority i need to find someone else whos priority is the same as mine...... AFTER THE BASEMENT IS COMPLETED. ha free labor...its the least he could do for me...damn its been a year!!!
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