nicegrrly (nicegrrly) wrote,

happy from within

so as odd as this sounds, im finally "getting" things.. Like Im sooo sick of this angry at life.. bipolar people. Like I AM TRUELY sorry ur life sucks.. or u want to make others' a living hell. But back off barbie. im soo sick of THESE people trying their damnedest to drag ME down with them. Im open minded.. i am a free spirit. I see life as.. u NEED good karma.. u dont then go fuck urself.. honestly. be open minded that one guy u totally ignored COULD have been your new best friend... so why show people ur having a bad day and drag everyone down. Im sick of bitching. as odd as that seems. Matt.. kid from work today was like i think ur close minded. OH IF ONLY HE KNEW ME?!?!??!
cuz EVERYDAY i try SOOO hard to make convo with him, for god sakes he sits across from me... hes like WHY DO U ASK... hes shy.. so im trying hard to break his shell.. well he doesnt crack im not sure he ever has. hes UNREAL!!!! he has NOOO heart, but deep down i swear hes BAWLING! I was like today what do u do for fun.. what makes u happy.. u have to understand im unreal personality.. i say it how it is.. and it comes out with alot of expression.. so it wasnt like lets talk about life.. phsychologist style. maybe that woulda went over better. HA. so hes freaked!!! hes like why do u ask me ?'s why do u care.. pretty much told me, he thinks i ask to be closed minded and judge him. im like i think YOUR are the closed minded one for even beginning to think that, YOU ARE THE ONE jumping to that conclusion, all im doing is tryin to get past the pt that u dont want to talk to any of us.. thinkin maybe one day u might sya 2 words.. and now frown.. is that soooo hard to ask. ahhhhhh i want to shake hiM!!!! u have NOOO Idea. i always talk back to him, he thinks if hes tough no one will talk to him, nor hurt him. I always mouth back to him, i can handle sarcasm, its who i am, but god his is mean. HA i almost love it!
whata bitch!

im sooo sick of close minded people though.. there is MORE TO life then just thinking about yourself THATS FORSURE!!!
*** im sick of letting these people get to me, having to make excuses for the both of them.
ITS FOOOD.... i yell at matt.. why cant she.. im sick of it! Yeah i get it ur pissed he drank ur pop. and hes lazy.. hes depressed.. how many times have i left u alone, and not spoKE to u, let u be a hermit for what 2 months.. while u hated me, i still talked to ur mom ever so often, but just backed off from u, and hten 2 mo later u randomly contaact me to hang out or what not,like nothing happened. nothing was ever spoke of. maybe ur bf has it ALITTLE more together then mine.. then again no ID.. no car.. no license.. i dont judge him. yea he does dishes.. yea he cleans up, hes a nice kid. And i tell u that, but can u honestly ever say anything nice about my bf.. how fat he is.. how whatever, nothing ever nice.. i could say the same about urs... but do i?... no. Im sick of avoiding convos with people! lets talk about it b4 its an issue already! I get that he is being a couch potato and I could do differently--- date someone who has a job.. has money.. supports me.. I coulda dated justin.. i coulda dated nick.. can u say eww.. its not who i like.. u liked ralph what did he have? not to much right.. .I never said a word, i understand this is kind of dif with matt at OUR house.. and it might annoy u.. i understand i need to respect that cuz its your place too, but its mine as well. one second i think shes finally warming up to him, laughing doing whatever, and the next comment shes like UR FAT.. he could say the same to u.. who says ur any better then him? ya u have a job, yea its not his house, by why should anyone take that ever? like ya i say that to him ever so often, but he is my bf. and thats between him and i.. maybe u didnt get that, but that would be me like heeeey chris so i hear ur tiny.. or soemthing.. its just mean.
what makes u n i sooo dif. im not saying ur a bad person i just dont understand u, adn i truely want to!!! i really do. Its just its soooo offf.. one second ur fine. and the next second ur like "when is lazy ass leaving.. "
do u have a heart?? at all.. all those times u paid for booze for ralph n u. all those times u drove there to see him, i didnt judge u. i went along with it, cuz im ur friend. please be mine. I get uve been right about ALOT of people.. but then again, u never gave ANY of them the time of day. U either love someone or u hate em.. end of story. U have to get this.. he has NO car.. he has nothing to look forward too.. hes dealing with seasonal depression.. maybe he is milking it. But what was Ralph doing.. how much money has chris gave YOU for gas? he bought pizza.. i get that.. thats awesome.. but why are we still fighting about this. I love matt.. i really do.
and if it doesnt work out, least i can say i LEARNED ALOT abotu myself.. i grew up.. i got milked.. HA. but thats me.. i just ask that u dont judge him.. u dont know. u havent bothered... hes just like u.. hes shy too.. think about it. Please.
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